Carrying the Prohibition Party mantle on his back, Fellure did better in 2012 than he had in any of his previous elections, but that isn’t saying much. Despite having party backing, Jack was only able to get on the ballot in Louisiana, where he received 518 votes—the lowest of any candidate to be nominated by a recognized political party. Fellure’s showing was so lackluster that his vote total was nearly doubled by Jeff Boss, the nominee for the NSA Did 911 Party (yes, it’s an actual thing), who is in all likelihood a paranoid schizophrenic who claims that the NSA carried out 9/11, paid over 50,000 people $20,000 to keep quiet and currently orchestrates an elaborate web of espionage where NSA agents poison almost all of the restaurants and coffee makers in America. So, if a mentally ill man—a man who believesthat everyone working at the Staples in New York City’s Union Square is being secretly paid off by the NSA and that the only reason the baristas at Starbucks put people’s names on their cups is so they can record everyone they’re poisoning—received nearly twice the votes that Jack Fellure did the 2012 election, it would stand to reason that Fellure’s campaign platform would be just as, if not more, detached from mainstream politics in America. It is not.

The truly terrifying thing about Jack Fellure’s campaign for President is not that it’s a bunch of paranoid psychobabble, but that it is almost identical to that of the right wing of the Republican Party. Fellure’s entire campaign is based around what he believes is a strict adherence to the 1611 Authorized King James Bible, which is really only outré for its insistence on a particular, antiquated printing of The Bible. Other than his fetish for Early Modern English, Fellure’s ideological framework is not terribly dissimilar from many of his fellow GOP candidates for president. On a now defunct website promoting his 2012 campaign, Fellure outlines his campaign platform and his views should sound familiar to anyone with even a passing knowledge of the Tea Party’s policy positions.

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Jack Fellure…The Fringe Candidate that’s right at home in the Mainstream GOP

Among the things Jack Fellure is for are: “Teaching the true Christian history and heritage of our nation in the public schools…Balancing the Federal budget…Making homosexuality illegal…Capital Punishment…Getting the United States out of the United Nations (UN) and getting the UN out of the United States…[and] Reducing the Tax Burden of the working American.”

Jack Fallure also states that he is against: “Abortion, and especially paying for abortions with government funding…The Liquor Industry which is a detriment to our nation. Alcohol is America’s number one drug problem…Allowing Anti-American organizations, such as the American Civil Liberties Union and the Communist Party to continue their destruction of this nation…Moving our jobs and industrial production to foreign nations…The continued moral destruction of our society by the television and entertainment media…[and] The New World Order, Pornography, and Gun Control.”

Sure, there’s an extra helping of crazy sprinkled over parts of his platform, but by and large, Jack Fellure’s policies are interchangeable with those of “legitimate” presidential candidates like Mike Huckabee, Rick Santorum, Ted Cruz and Rick Perry. In fact, some of Fallure’s policies—like advocating lowering taxes on working class Americans and acknowledging the often overlooked fact that alcohol causes far more deaths, hospital visits, violent altercations and health issues than other illegal drugs—are beacons of sanity compared to most mainstream Republican candidates. This isn’t to say that Jack Fellure is fit for to be the leader of the free world, because he’s not. Given his age—he’s 83 now—I don’t think the man’s fit to lead anything more mentally taxing than Friday night Bingo down at the First Baptist Church. Then again, I would say the same thing about most of the Republican hopefuls in 2016, so maybe old Jack’s got a shot next November after all.