To whom it may concern:
The truth may not always be popular, but it will always remain the truth. Alabamans, perhaps more than any of the 49 other sovereign lands that comprise these United States of America, have possessed a willingness to hold the truth high in the face of overwhelming opposition from the vast, ovine hordes that have always insisted upon bullying God-fearing country folk into relinquishing their morals and their way of life. Alabama’s official state motto, Audemus jura nostre defendere—which translates from the Latin to We dare defend our rights—is but a superficial reminder of the dedication of this state’s fine leaders and patriots to upholding the spirit and the values of causes that, though they be lost, are not forgotten. To be an Alabaman is to gulp down the heritage of your forefathers like a cool glass of sweet tea and, imbued with the sugar high that comes from such a consumption, to spread the gospel of those that came before you with feverish intensity. The rebel yell that leaped from the lips of our great-great grandfathers is not gone, but transferred—migrating from the battlefields of Shiloh and Chancellorsville to the courthouses of Mobile and Montgomery.
It is in such a tradition that Alabama’s fine Attorney General Luther Strange is asking for the Supreme Court to grant a stay that would prevent that onerous affront to Christian society known as “same-sex marriage” from becoming the law of the land in the state. The Attorney General has been forced to involve the Federal government’s highest court in what is—and always shall remain—a matter for each individual state to decide after a traitorous U.S. District Court judge, Callie Grande, stepped well out of her bounds to strike down the Alabama Marriage Protection Act and authorize “same-sex marriage” in direct opposition to the will of the people she ostensibly serves. Attorney General Strange promptly asked the Federal marionettes at the 11th Circuit Court of Appeals for a stay, quite rightly stating that Alabama would suffer “irreparable harm” if “same-sex marriage” was allowed in the state.
The 11th Circuit passed the buck along to the Supreme Court, who will rule on the issue of “same-sex marriage” later in the year, but that did not deter the fine public servants of Alabama from defending their constituents from this forced acceptance of equality. Alabama Governor Robert Bentley filed a brief last week in support of his Attorney General, upholding the inherent worth of traditional marriage in the face of its same-sex derivative, while Roy Moore, the current Chief Justice of the Alabama Supreme Court and the state’s foremost champion of Christian sculpture, issued a memo to all of the state’s probate judges, telling them that they were not required to issue gay marriage licenses and that they would be, in his view, “acting in violation of their oaths to uphold the Alabama Constitution” should they do so. Later on in the week, columnist J. Pepper Bryars took the brave step that many in our overly-PC society would not, writing a column for AL.com that sang high Judge Moore’s praises for being willing to stand up to the tyranny of the Federal judiciary and fight for what he knew to be good and right.
The sodomite-loving Left that makes up an unfortunately vocal minority in this country will undoubtedly put forth all manner of propaganda to substantiate their unholy and unjust opinions, citing instruments of liberal fiction like the Equal Protection Clause of the 14th Amendment and the 36 states (plus the den of iniquity known as our Nation’s capital) that have already legalized “same-sex marriage” as just cause for their secular crusade. However, we here in Alabama know better than to be swayed by opinions from the likes of leftist states such as Montana and Kansas on the issue of marriage. We will not bow down before our Federal overlords like serfs before a feudal master on this matter, just as we were willing to leave the overreaching grasp on the Union in 1861, when “The Great Emancipator” tried to take away our God-given rights to enslave hundreds of thousands of human beings of a darker hue for our own profit. Today, we shall not let our rights be trampled by a tyrannical Executive and we shall fight back against Obama as we did against Kennedy and Johnson.
Alabamans have a long and storied history of standing up and blocking the path of so-called “progress” and we will never apologize for our commitment to traditional, Christian values. If not for the Attorney General Strange’s and the Judge Moore’s of the world, we would find ourselves in a society reduced to utter ruin, the pillars of faith and community which hold us up left to rot in the face of a secular America that treats everyone with equality under the law and defines marriage based on “love” and “compassion” rather than the will of the Lord Almighty. No, here in Alabama we respect marriage as the joining of one man and one woman for the purpose of procreation and child-rearing that it is, which is why we have the second-highest divorce rate in the country, just as God intended. To paraphrase the inimitable Governor George Wallace, Traditional marriage now…Traditional marriage tomorrow…Traditional marriage forever!
*FYI for those who might be a little slow on the uptake: This was satire. If you thought I was being serious and got appropriately worked up in a lather over the idiocy of these statements, I encourage you to go to the Facebook page for Wedding Week, which will be beginning on Monday February 9th and going through the 13th outside of the Madison County Courthouse in Huntsville, AL. With the county courthouse being closed to marriage ceremonies, ordained volunteers will be performing same-sex marriage ceremonies all week long. If you live in the area, please consider volunteering. If you don’t, support from afar and well wishes never hurt.