Seeing as how it’s Christmas Eve and all, I thought it might be nice to can the hand-wringing and righteous indignation for a day or two and tell Scrooge to get bent with a societally inappropriate amount of good cheer…and by good cheer, I mean bawdy and borderline offensive humor. This being a holiday marked by compulsive list checking and summary judgement by a ruddy-faced diabetic with a penchant for valor jumpsuits, I decided it would be best for Virally Suppressed to add to the festivities with some lists of our own. Well, that and I’ve already distended my belly by gorging on holiday-themed baked goods and I really didn’t feel like writing in complete sentences this afternoon. It’s what Baby Jesus would have wanted. So, without any further explanatory superfluities, I give you Manger-gate: Merry Listmas 2012.
Top 5 Fiscal Cliff-Themed Movies
5. There’s Something About Harry Reid
4. Less Than Zero Percent Approval
3. When Harry Filibustered Sally
2. Things To Do In DC When You’re Dead Weight
1. Lame Duck Soup
Top 5 Romney Camp Explanations For Losing Election
5. Sheldon Adelson too stingy with Super-PAC money
4. Thought, “I’ll tell you when I’m President” was good economic platform.
3. Paul Ryan’s workout photos.
2. Mitt unable to get “that Santorum smell” off of him during General Election.
1. The blacks…and the gays…and the Hispanics…and women…
Top 5 Potential Titles for Todd Akin’s Autobiography
5. Shutting That Whole Thing Down: The Todd Akin Story
4. The Vagina Monologues
3. “Hold On Now, Women Can Vote?”
2. She Was Akin For It
1. A “Legitimate” Asshole
Top 5 NRA Arguments For Other Societal Ills
5. Treat Syphilis Outbreak with Lots of Unprotected Sex
4. Cure Lung Cancer By Encouraging All Adults to Chain Smoke Filterless Camel’s
3. Eliminate National Deficit by Buying Every American a Small Tank
2. Stem the Growth of Type II Diabetes by Making All School Lunches From Paula Dean Cookbook
1. Solve Global Warming by Lighting Giant Styrofoam Pyramids on Fire